My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
