"it" just moved
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
