a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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