I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
