You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
