Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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