Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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