Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
