Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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