it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
