I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
handjob tips. give me some.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
