On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hate all girls vehemently.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
