This is not my ceiling
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
