Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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