he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
