Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
