i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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