She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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