if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
