they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i think my cat just said my name.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
