I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
