So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
