Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
