do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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