I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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