just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How's work?
Spinning.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
