Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
