hotel room ftw
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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