i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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