I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I currently don't understand fingers.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
