I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
