xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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