you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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