she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
