I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
