They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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