you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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