well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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