You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
