THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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