imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
