Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
tell me about the eggs
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
