Duck Duck Cougar?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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