I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
