my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
