U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
