we have pet lesbian snakes
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
