I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
