It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The power of my boobs compel you
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
