I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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