He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
