I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
