No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
