that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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