you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
