I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
