Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
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