Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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