i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
